Thoughts On Being a Crone

I'm learning how to be a Crone.  That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm old although I am, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a hag or a witch although I am those things too.  Definitions for the word "crone" often include, "ugly", "mean", or "wicked" and I suppose I have my moments when I am those things too.  But those are not the things that make a Crone.  A Crone is an elder, wise woman.  She is a healer, a singer of songs, a keeper of the cook fire, a teller of tales....she is a woman who has a great deal of experience in life and she is willing to share what she's learned with others.  That's why I want to be a Crone.

Crones tend to lead solitary lives so it's not like we have kiosks at the local mall and we're not inclined to go out searching for people who need our help but we know, oh how well we know, that sometimes people will sort of stumble blindly or "accidentally" into our lives so there's no need to go out looking for them.  They'll find us when the time is right.  That's when the Crone will lovingly nourish the one who has a need as best we can.  Or maybe they need a kick in the ass and we're happy to do that too.   Lovingly, of course.  Sometimes it's information they need, and sometimes it's simply to know they aren't alone in their struggle.

I'm a follower of the Jungian psychoanalyst, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes and she has devoted a lot of her work to the importance of being a Crone, especially about why it's important for Crones to tell stories.  She says:

“The story is not told to lift you up, to make you feel better, or to entertain you, although all those things can be true. The story is meant to take the spirit into a descent to find something that is lost or missing and to bring it back to consciousness again.” 
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

And so it is that we tell stories.   There are lots of reasons beyond just those.  I tell stories to entertain myself because sometimes we need to take a walk with our memories and be at peace with our past.  And sometimes I tell stories because there have been things in my life that someone else needs to hear.  I don't know who they are or what their stories are, but if there's one thing I've learned in this lifetime, it's not to keep your mouth shut if you've been through something difficult because if you've gone through it, that means that there is someone else out there who is going through it too and maybe, just maybe, your story will act as a a road map for them....sometimes simply bringing comfort in knowing that they aren't alone and sometimes giving them information they need to make an informed choice in their own life. 

My brain has always been prone to odd and irrational detours in its train of thought.  I'd like to blame it on the strokes but there are people who knew me before and could testify to that eccentricity long before a medical alibi could be established.  Damn.   And so it is that I started this blog a long time ago and then life came along with a few more detours in my medical care and I wasn't able to write for awhile.  That happens all too often and if it were my own body that had caused the issues, it would be one thing, but once again the health crisis was caused by a pharmaceutical company with a lot of help from insurance companies.  I think I'll save that story for its own post because it's too important to be lost.   For now, I'm fighting hard to get back on my feet to continue writing letters to no one as often as I can, because I'm a Crone and I have stories to tell. 

Letters to No One

My mother used to say that I started talking in full sentences before I was a year old and haven't shut up ever since.  She didn't exactly mean that as a compliment, but I'll own the truth in the statement because too many other people have agreed with her.  There are a lot of things that I've heard repeatedly in my life like how I'm a chatterbox or that I tend to ramble on about nothing at all.  If it weren't for the fact that sometimes I hear the word "entertaining", I'd have stopped writing a long time ago but as long as I enjoy the act of expressing myself through words and there are even a few people who will chuckle at what I write, I'll probably go on doing it.    However, having faced the half century mark, I've realized that creativity is about expression, not exhibitionism, which is why I decided to write letters to no one.

Letter writing was a big part of my childhood because that's the way our family stayed in touch over long miles.  Letters to my grandparents were sent to and from our little post office once a week.  My mother's family were more the "Hi, how are you, this is what's happened at our house this week" type of letter writers, but the ones on my Dad's side of the family had an entirely different tone and those were the ones I liked best.  Dad's side of the family tree was filled with wordsmiths who painted pictures and defined emotions and taught life lessons because they knew how to turn a phrase.  They were as entertaining as books to me with their stories of old memories, random thoughts, philosophies, and teachings written with humor and sparkling intelligence.  I was blessed to inherit a tiny portion of that ability and therefore, I have no choice but to tell my stories.

One of the great things about the internet is that the writing, letters, and musings which were once the sole property of paper journals left in dusty attics for uncaring distant relatives are now out there for the whole world to read.  Perhaps it's because I have no distant (or even close) relatives to toss out my journals without reading them that I take to the internet.   Blogs are a great way of talking to yourself only to discover that other people are listening.

I have some interesting life stories to tell and while not all of them are very nice, I'll probably tell them anyway because I've learned that when we share something dark, it creates a light for someone else.  Most of the time though, my ramblings will be about life in general, my cats, living in the desert, my cats, my passion for building dollhouses, more cats......well, you get the idea.   I don't claim to tell funny stories, but I like to think that I can tell stories in a funny way so most of the time, there will be at least a quiet chuckle and the occasional fit of giggles.  

The reason I chose the title "Under the Mesquite Tree" is because that's where most of my life occurs here in southern Arizona.  After some odd illnesses that limit my activity levels, I spend a lot of my time on the patio in my backyard under the shade of my mesquite tree.  As backyards go, it's typical of the southwest........8 foot tall cement walls around the yard that's mostly gravel with a funky shaped spot of grassy lawn to one side.  The front yard, also gravel,  has two thorny mesquite trees and 8 varieties of yucca plants plus four large rosemary bushes.  My front yard isn't the place to go stumbling around in the dark unless you want to have a pincushion experience, but the backyard is where I live and watch life.

This is the mesquite tree in my backyard.  There are several varieties of mesquites.  This one is actually a native of Chili but they adapted so well to the desert that they're a staple of our landscaping.  The two thorny mesquite trees in the front yard are Arizona natives.

Mesquite trees of any origin are marvels of Nature's engineering.  For one thing, there's almost as much tree under the ground as there is above it and it's almost identical in shape.   The tree has a tap root that serves as an anchor and it's usually about the same size and length as the main trunk.  Tap roots sink deep into our stony earth and if you've ever tried to dig one up, you'll quickly find that once they're there, they don't intend to go anywhere!  But that's the anchor root that holds the tree in place and keeps it safe from wind storms.

The mesquite tree also has a network of smaller roots that are close to the surface in order to absorb what little rain we get in the desert.  It quickly shuttles that moisture to the tap root to be stored for later.  Most desert plants have a water storage system of some kind which is amazing when you stop and think about it.  But the smaller roots on the mesquite have their own job to do collecting water and the tree has its own way of protecting them.  That small root system is identical to the diameter of the tree canopy to provide shade and cooling for little roots that could be damaged by sun and heat.

Ah, the heat.  One of the first things we little Desert Rats are taught is that if you are caught out in the heat, find a mesquite tree and get in the shade.  It's almost always at least ten to fifteen degrees cooler in the shade of a mesquite tree.  There's a reason for that and it's yet another marvel of engineering.

The leaves of a mesquite tree are tiny and lacy which means that they are equipped to allow breezes to pass thru them.  Not only does that better equip the tree to withstand high winds but it also creates more of a breeze when the leaves and branches move.  An even more amazing thing about the mesquite is that the branches are interwoven; creating the effect of a suspension bridge to strengthen itself.  Mesquite trees know how to bend and sway in the winds and that keeps them safe.  Those interlocking branches are also the perfect place for birds to nest because they create natural hammocks.  It's a habit of large birds such as rock doves to perch in one of those hammocks to support their large body while stretching out their wings to catch a breeze and cool themselves.

The tree provides protection from predators too.   My backyard can be full of birds at the feeders but one warning cry will cause a "whoosh" of wings and it's as if the tree has sucked every single bird up into its branches in the blink of an eye.  Less than a second later I'll see the hawk come barreling thru but even with her keen eyesight, the little birds are safe within the lacy camouflage.  At the top of the tree, the wee little yellow-rumped warblers spend their time performing aerial acrobatics like miniature raptors as they snatch bugs out of mid-air.

There is so much life going on inside these amazing trees and one would never know how tough they are just by looking at them or how much they can withstand if they need to.  Not only can they survive, but they thrive to the point of being able to nurture others as well.   Some people are like that too.   Come sit with me under the mesquite tree and we'll talk of life.